According to the Telegraph, British pizza chain Pizza Express has hired a “classically trained actor” called Karl James to teach its waiters and waitresses how to “flirt” and the “art of chit-chat” to help them “butter up the restaurant’s customers”.

It seems that in the UK, we need training for basic skills that waiters and waitresses in other countries (the USA for example) have in buckets. The English language skills of eastern European waiting staff in the capital comes to mind as a significant factor in the sterile service available in some of London’s eateries.

Whilst some may celebrate that a restaurant chain is investing in improving it’s table-side service, it is a real shame that they feel the need for formal training on the art of conversation in an industry where building rapport with the customers should be a fundamental minimum skill requirement.

At least they’ve got people (including me) talking, so the marketing team will no doubt be celebrating this lunchtime with a bottle at their local Pizza Express.

How can your business learn from Seinfeld and Facebook to make you more money?

When it comes to the attention of internet users, social media is fast catching up to search engines or even overtaking them.

According to Experian Hitwise (via The Independent), in the UK in May 2010, “search engines accounted for 11.33 per cent of internet visits … while social networks accounted for 11.88 per cent.”  Experian found that in the USA, “for the seven days to 13 March, Facebook received 7.07 per cent of website hits in the country, overtaking Google which had a 7.03 per cent share.”

Specifically in the UK in May, Facebook attracted 7% of total hits in the UK whilst Google accounted for 9.2% of hits.

As fellow Glazer-Kennedy Insider’s Circle member, Maritza Parra, says in her “7 Universal Laws of Social Marketing”, successful use of social media in your marketing is all about your followers knowing, liking and trusting you. As Dan Kennedy describes it, you want to be influential with your followers.

Connecting with people

Maritza explains one of her seven laws, connection:

“People are hungry for connection in all its forms. They are just as hungry to feel a part of something greater than themselves.

“One of the strongest human needs, after air, food and water, is a sense of belonging. This is one of the reasons that Social Media is so popular and so powerful. Social Media in all its many forms provide a sense of belonging to something greater than yourself.”

When you create that connection with customers, contacts and prospects, selling what you have to offer is much easier and more profitable than the alternatives like cold-calling or waiting for the phone to ring. As the statistics from Experian Hitwise show, people are looking for that connection in growing numbers.

What does this have to do with Seinfeld?

The Independent newspaper also reported today on the earnings that repeats (re-runs) of Seinfeld have netted Time Warner since the show ended 12 years ago. The company has earned an astounding $2.7 billion from Larry Seinfeld’s “Yada Yada”, whilst new shows featuring Seinfeld and his old co-stars, Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss,  have failed to hit the mark. Seinfeld’s new show on NBC, “The Marriage Ref”, has been panned by critics, yet it has been booked for a second season. Perhaps NBC are hoping that Jerry Seinfeld can work his magic to ultimately produce another winning show.

Seinfeld (the show) had a connection with its audience that still banks top dollar today. The show ended just as the internet was coming into its own, long before the advent of Facebook or Twitter. Despite Seinfeld’s lack of internet connectivity, the connection that audiences had with the show translates even today into major revenues for the rights holder. Somehow Seinfeld got it just right, giving people what they were looking for, at least in terms of entertainment programming.

Seinfeld was great at generating water-cooler conversation the day after each episode aired. It created a whole community of people who wanted to share their love of the show with others. Many of these people are tuning into the same show a dozen years later to recapture the enjoyment they had, to reconnect with that experience. And to have a good laugh (TV comedy isn’t what it used to be, sadly.)

Both Seinfeld and Facebook demonstrate that the money lies in connecting with your audience. In your business it doesn’t have to be about Facebook specifically, or writing a muli-billion dollar sit-com. Something as simple as responding to customer feedback about typos on your website shows that you care and increases the depth of your connection with them.

What can you do to increase your connection with your audience and your customers?

Simon Says Media works with companies and business owners to develop their “Secret Sauce”, connecting them with their customers for lasting, profitable relationships.

Call us today on 020 3358 3321 to find out how we can help you connect with your customers.

Two weeks ago I had lunch with my aunt at a restaurant that I won’t be returning to.

We met in central London to have a lunchtime curry and found a place amongst a wide choice in Drummond Street, near Euston station.

The food was tasty if a little too spicy, especially for Aunty. That is not why I won’t be going back.

The waitress brought out a jug (pitcher) of water and when my aunt tried to pour the water into her glass, it ended up all over the table. I’ve never seen a jug before that had such a small lip and bizarre shape. The waitress, who’d been there for only 2 weeks, knew that the jugs were poorly designed. It’s not because of the jugs either that I won’t go back to this restaurant.

When the bill came, my aunt decided to treat me by picking up the bill (nice aunt!) so I covered the tip. She found the credit card terminal confusing as did I – until this point I’d never seen a card terminal that required the payer to confirm the amount they were paying by pressing the green button first. I have my own credit card terminal for my business and I’d never seen this type of operation before. It took 2 goes to get the payment made. It’s not because of the credit card terminal that I won’t be returning.

I saw the manager on the way out and decided to mention these couple of niggles. First I mentioned the strange jugs that were great for spilling water everywhere.

“You need to know how to use them,” he said.

“It’s a jug,” I replied. “I shouldn’t need instructions on how to use a jug.”

“You want instructions?” he asked.

“No, I want a jug that doesn’t need instructions,” I said.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“I want you to change your jugs!” I explained.

Silence.

Then I queried him on the credit card terminal, telling him that I had my own credit card terminal and I’d never seen one operate like the one they were using.

“That’s the law and that’s the way it is,” he explained.

Really.

Very calmly and politely I said to the manager “I don’t think I’ll be coming back.”

This is where the manager should have asked me why I wouldn’t be coming back. I didn’t like his attitude. His job at that point was to convert me into a returning customer and which he failed to do because he said NOTHING and let me walk out of his restaurant.

I would say I was so polite that it wasn’t really even a complaint, just a friendly chat. Even so, every complaint is an opportunity for a company to impress their customers by resolving any issues that are raised and demonstrating that they value their customers.

This manager didn’t try and clearly didn’t care about my custom, so why should I care about his restaurant?

I’ll go where I know I’m welcomed and appreciated. There are plenty of restaurants in London.

This particular restaurant was even nominated for Gordon Ramsay’s best local restaurant on his “F Word” programme. It’s pretty clear why they didn’t win.

The lesson here is that in today’s service economy there is plenty of competition and if you’re not doing everything you can to convert first-time customers into repeat business then you are not just missing a trick, you’re running a business that is doomed to fail.

Simon Says Media works with clients to help them attract new customers and to retain them. We can help your business ensure that you don’t let customers walk away, never to return.

To help your business, call us on 020 3358 3321 to find out more.

What is the secret sauce in your business?

Many businesses make the mistake of selling the features of their business rather than the benefits to their customers.

A kitchen company that has 136 different types of kitchen to choose from doesn’t impress me as much as one that promises me that they can supply my ideal kitchen with perfect layout, materials and colours.

An engineer with 30 years experience doesn’t offer me the same reassurance as a guarantee that something will be repaired perfectly on the first attempt.

A company’s membership of a trade association offers vague benefits when compared to a satisfaction guarantee, backed by a trade association.

A business can have secret sauce in many ways. A simple way to start is to take your features and turn them into benefits. This will help you stand out from your competitors and move away from pure price competition. Lowest-price customers will always shop for the lowest price.

More discerning customers will be looking for other benefits associated with dealing with a particular company, rather than a rock-bottom price-tag. These are the customers that will appreciate you going the extra mile with what you do; Turning features into benefits will help you attract them.

What are the features of your business and how can you turn them into benefits and secret sauce?

I’ve just got off the phone with a friend and client, Richard Dix of Rural Broadband. We were discussing the new services he’s offering in satellite broadband and ADSL connections and how to plan for possible problems that could arise.

It may sound counter-intuitive, but not planning for problems with any product or service is actually planning for failure – the failure of the experience you will give to customers.

It was apparent as we went through different examples that most companies don’t have a system to respond to and solve problems as they crop up. Either specific and known potential problems or the unknown, yet to be experienced snafu.

Richard is differentiating his business by offering oustanding service, a pleasurable customer experience and prompt responses, all backed by a guarantee. So we were exploring how that should be reflected in prepared responses to possible problems, both how to fix the problem and to restore the experience of the customer.

I’m always impressed by any individual or company who tells me how they’re going to fix a problem and what they’re going to do to make me a happy customer. That is outstanding customer service and yet we see so little of it. Richard is putting procedures in place to ensure this is what he will deliver consistently.

Companies that really screw up are the ones that either have no idea that they’re ruining their customer’s experience or they do know and, for some reason, don’t care (perhaps they have a monopoly). So they take their time fixing problems or they don’t even try and certainly make no effort to make amends to the customer. I bet this sounds familiar to many of you.

A company that delivers outstanding customer service has a unique sales message to deliver. Why not make it central to its marketing?

A great company slogan would be “If we screw up, you’re next month is free”.

This would tell me all I need to know – the company is looking to solve problems because they will cost them hard cash which they will put in my pocket if I have a problem . When a company lives and breathes this service, not merely scripting the response, it will have my undying devotion.

Do you know of any companies that make such a promise?

Happy New Year to you all!

The end of the year is a strange time for many. There’s the rush to get all your work finished before the holiday. There’s all that running around, sorting out Christmas presents and a big fat turkey for dinner. Then you have time off work and the visits with the family.

Christmas and New Year also provide an opportunity for reflection and also, inevitably, New Year’s resolutions.

Although I didn’t have turkey for Christmas, I did have all the other madness.

Reflecting on the year, I began to appreciate the importance of setting achievable, well defined goals. This is where my apology comes in.

I realise now that the task I set myself to achieve by Christmas was crazy. With all the other tasks on my to-do list, somehow sanity escaped me when I decided to put my Christmas lists together.

Actually, the idea was sound. The crazy bit was how little time I had to complete my goals. I put my plan together during a quiet work period and was then distracted from it by all the other tasks that needed doing. Those other tasks suffered too as a result of everything on the to-do list.

However I’m not going to beat myself up too much.

The plan was to illustrate the 10 Great Ways To Differentiate Yourself For Christmas with videos of me accomplishing all these things with my clients. There’s some great video in the can and I’ll be using it for Christmas 2010, planning much earlier ahead to ensure that the great content is created and posted.

I promised a second list of 10 Great Things To Send Your Clients (Or Contacts) For Christmas. The list was put together and I was waiting for a few other things to fall into place and they didn’t happen in time. I wanted to provide great resources and illustrations and I now realise that trying to get things done quickly during Christmas, especially when depending on others, can be a difficult task.

One example of this is the courier who left me waiting for an important part of the second list for nearly two weeks. No amount of cajoling by the parcel sender, the courier’s client, could get them to perform as promised and contracted. I waited and waited and no parcel arrived. Finally, the day before Christmas Eve, I found the time to go to the courier depot and claim my un-delivered parcel.

Equally, some promises made to me went un-fulfilled. Without all the pieces in place, I couldn’t finish and share what I had hoped to.

Several people at other companies really got on board with the idea of 10 Great Things To Send Your Clients (Or Contacts) For Christmas and helped out in various ways. My promises to them are still outstanding and one resolution of mine is to ensure that one way or another the promise is fulfilled and their efforts in helping me are rewarded. As I put these things right I’ll be sharing them with you because what these people have to offer is great and worth getting hold of.

I apologise to myself for setting what became unrealistic goals, to my readers for not completing what I’d promised and I apologise to the partners who helped me for not getting everything done at my end of the bargain.

Everyone makes mistakes and I think that it’s important to recognise those mistakes, apologise for them and learn from them to ensure that they are not repeated. And then you have to move on.

2010 brings a fresh start and renewed energy. I’m working right now on a great new program for February, details coming in the next few days.

So my most valuable lesson from the end of 2009 and going into this new decade is to have clear and achievable objectives that can be accomplished and which move me closer to my long-term goals.

Looking foward to a great year,

I’ve put together this list of 10 Great Ways To Differentiate Your Company For Christmas.

Some of these ideas will cost you nothing. Others, a small amount of money or time. To help you on the way, we’re also giving away some Great Free Stuff – look out for this emblem – and we’ve got some great exclusive deals for you.

It’s not too late to start doing something for Christmas. Simon Says Media will be implementing each of these ideas and we’ll be showing you videos of how we bring some Christmas cheer to our clients and contacts as we do each of them. Of course you don’t have to do all 10 like we will and it only takes one to start having some fun.

How many can you do with your company?

1. Make your website festive, change your logo or masthead*

You can make this really simple by just adding some snow on your logo or adding a Christmas tree or snowman to the masthead on your website. Add a santa hat somewhere. We like santa hats…

Or go further, have a whole Christmas theme designed for your website. If you’re in retail or have an online store then this is a great idea, especially if you stock seasonal product lines.

We love Mark, our graphic designer who has created a Christmas logo for us:

If you want to Christmas-up your logo we can have Mark do it for you. See this page for more information.

2. Make your phone messsages festive*

This one can cost you zero – can you say “Merry Christmas”? Brilliant! You can change your phone messages for free. But even better, we’re giving you some messages with festive music that you can use completely free.

You can update your incoming announcement, your hold messages and music and even your voicemail to take account of the holiday season. Let your customers know that you’re paying attention.

I had fun recording seasonal messages with a client for the Simon Says Media phone system. Monica runs FocalVocal, a training company and she has previously recorded professional voice-overs. We’ll have a video coming soon of us putting our phone messages together.

Here’s one of our message:

And here it is without Hannukah:

To make it really easy for you to do this with a professional quality message and have some fun at the same time, we’ve made a special recording that you can use for free and we’re including the music too.

‘Jingle Bells’ licensed by Chris Worth Productions http://www.chrisworthproductions.com. Thanks Chris.

Even if the only phone system you have is voicemail on your cellphone you can still use this. Turn up your speaker volume, hold your phone near the speaker (avoid interference) and play it down the phone from your computer to record it as your voicemail greeting.

Use our free recording as a template to get all your staff involved. We’ve produced a another version with gaps so that your staff can shout your company name and “Merry Christmas” for use in the recording.

We’ve made it really easy for you to do – we’ve put a video on the recordings download page which shows you how to customise the free recording.

See this page to get your free telephone recordings in MP3 format and complete instructions on how to use them and customise them yourself.

Monica has agreed to provide her services to you, just for this holiday season. If you want us to record some customised messages for your phone system, see this page for more information.

You’ll have to get in quick, because we stop accepting orders at the end of business on Tuesday 8th December 2009.

3. Have a product, service or special offer just for Christmas*

It’s really easy to offer something different for Christmas, often just by repackaging what you already offer. The limited availability as well as the seasonality gives people a reason to buy today.

We’re offering Christmas telephone messages with great on-hold music as a  special seasonal service for a limited time.We’re also offering to customise your logo for Christmas, just for this holiday season.

What are your customers looking for this Christmas and how can you provide it to them? Don’t know? Call your customers and ask them!

4. Have your company van decorated with a santa hat, tinsel, fairy lights, giant Christmas tree etc*

If you have a Christmas tree at home then you probably have a family tradition of decorating the tree. Start a tradition in your company of decorating your company vehicles for Christmas, whether it’s the boss’s car or the fleet of delivery vans.

Have employees make suggestions on the design to involve them in the whole process, after all they could be driving the thing around!

This is a great idea if you want to get noticed! Have some fun – keep it simple or go crazy. For added benefit, why not film the whole thing (one more idea for number 6),  post it on YouTube and share it with your clients.

We’re giving away free vehicle graphics for Christmas. One of our clients, Eastcote Sign & Display, has agreed to produce 25 pairs of self-adhesive Christmas trees and 25 pairs of santa hats for us to give you  for free. Michael has even agreed to pick up the shipping cost so that it costs you nothing. Thanks Michael. Merry Christmas!

For your chance to win a pair of either santa hats or Christmas trees, complete with an applicator and instructions, see this page.

Actually it’s not that complicated, you don’t really need instructions, just peel and stick. We’ll give you the instructions anyway. We’re throwing in the applicator in case you get bubbles.

5. Have a Christmas dinner or party for staff and clients*

Some companies are cutting back on their Christmas parties or abandoning them altogether. Do you want to be the boss who cancelled the Christmas party? Instead of the cost, think about the benefit from good-will you will generate by saying thank you to all your staff and clients for another year of great business.

Parties don’t have to be expensive, even a round of drinks for everyone at the local bar can be enough to start the festivities.

If the business year has been great for you then be a great boss and pay for the taxis home for everyone. Be a generous business owner and pay for the cab-rides home for someone else’s Christmas party as a present to that company.

If you’re having a party, think about your seating plan. Can you seat staff and clients together so that they get to know each other, strengthening your relationship with each other?

Use your party as an opportunity to network for your benefit and for that of your guests. Introduce clients to one another and enable them to find new opportunities at your party. Don’t over-do it though, it’s supposed to be a party.

6. Make a Christmas video message or music video to send to clients, involve your staff*

Give your staff the opportunity to be creative and let their hair down a little for the good of the company. Encourage them to have some fun with a video camera to make a message you can post online and send to clients and contacts.

Video is a great way of raising your company’s profile and by sending a link of your video to your clients you show that you have taken the time to think about them. Use the video to highlight your Christmas special offers – don’t miss the opportunity to make a sale – but above all, make it fun. Be sure to include your company name and your website.

You could record a message from all of your staff, or if you’re more adventurous you could try making a music video to a Christmas song – here’s a great, simple example where they clearly had a lot of fun making it:

You could be having fun like these guys. Send us the link to your video when it’s online.

Do you want to make a Christmas video but not sure where to start? That’s one more seasonal service we offer. See this page for more information.

7. Wear a santa hat the entire season or customise your uniform*

Did I say we like santa hats?

When you turn up for a meeting wearing a smart suit and sporting a bright red santa hat, everyone will know that your business is celebrating the Christmas season.

Alternatively you could find a way to customise staff uniforms for the season although perhaps only sales assistants with a great sense of humour will appreciate dressing like one of Santa’s elves for several weeks.

Santa hats are inexpensive and a few pounds or dollars can buy you a bag of them. Hand them out to members of staff and clients and spead the Christmas cheer.

You can buy cheap santa hats here in the UK, or here in the USA.

We’re giving away 50 santa hats – click here for your chance to win one.

Don’t forget to send us a picture of you wearing your santa hat at work.

8. Form a staff choir and go sing Christmas carols at your clients’ premises*

This one has made a lot of clients laugh at the suggestion, but none of them dismissed the idea.

Plan the hot mulled wine and mince pies, go and have some fun. Think your clients don’t want you turning up? Try it! Or bring some cheer to the residents of a local retirement home.

Whatever you do, film it and put it on YouTube. One more idea for number 6.

We’ve got a great video coming up for this one. Subscribe to our email list to be notified when the video is online.

Download free sheet music for Christmas carols here.

9. Call customers to wish them a Merry Christmas*

If you can spare the time, this is a great way of connecting with customers for Christmas. Phone your customers and after passing on seasons greetings, take the opportunity to ask them how their business is going, what they need and how you can help them.

If your business follows an environmentally friendly policy, this is a great way of letting your clients know that you’ll be saving trees by phoning instead of….

10. Send clients a Christmas card*

Sending a Christmas card is a great and relatively inexpensive way to say hello, seasons greetings, thank you and we’re thinking of you, all in one go. Sending a Christmas card is also the first item on our second list, 10 Great Things to Send Customers (Or Contacts) For Christmas, which also includes links to exclusive great deals and your chance to win more Great Free Stuff. Subscribe to our email list to be notified as soon as the list is online.

You can get your Christmas cards customised for each of your clients using Variable Data Printing (VDP) and have them fulfilled, saving you the task of writing, licking and stuffing. Of course we like hand-written cards, but it takes time to write them out and if your client list is extensive, VDP and fulfillment are your options to ensure it gets done.

The Print Concierge are experts in the VDP business and we’ve set up an exclusive great deal with them, just for you.

As well as giving you free customisation on your holiday cards, be sure to tell them we sent you to get an extra 10% off their already crazy prices.

Click here for more information on The Print Concierge’s special deal for readers of Simon Says Marketing.

11. *Don’t forget Hanukkah

I know it’s only supposed to be a list of 10, but this one is important as an extra.

It’s Christmas but Hanukkah** is also coming up. Or Chanukah (either spelling is acceptable). Don’t let your Jewish clients and friends feel left out of the seasonal mood. How can you adapt these 10 ideas for Hanukkah? I’ll admit I’m not sure about the hat and uniforms, but we’ve mentioned it in our hold message – very simple.

** Hanukkah is a Jewish festival which celebrates the miracle of the oil for the eternal lamp burning for eight days in the Temple after its desecration, when normally it would only last for a single day.  The festival starts in 2009 on the sunset of Friday 11th December and lasts for 8 days.

Quick Great Free Stuff Links:

Download free Christmas telephone messages

Get free Christmas vehicle graphics

Win a santa hat

Download Christmas carol sheet music

Other Quick Links

We’ll customise your logo for Christmas

We’ll record your Christmas telephone messages

Buy cheap Santa Hats in the UK, in the USA

Get a great deal on customised Christmas cards and postcards – Extra 10% off with The Print Concierge

You’re going to do all of these? Tell me more!

We’d love to tell you more. Yes, all ten ideas will be implemented by Simon Says Media; we’ve already started and we’ve been filming along the way. Subscribe to our email list and we’ll let you know when we release each video. We’ll also let you know when “10 Great Things To Send Your Clients (Or Contacts) For Christmas” is posted to this site. And we’ll keep you informed when we post other great marketing and business tips.